The holidays always make me a little melancholy. In a world that seems to be made for coupledom, being single is not only annoying, but it's completely impractical.
the more I analyze and try to figure out what I want, the more I realize the type of relationship--the only type--that I could survive in probably doesn't exist.
I want things from all ends of the spectrum. Companionship. I want somebody to run their hands through my hair, somebody that knows how I take my coffee and surprises me with one in the morning.
But I don't want somebody who has to constantly touch me because I like my own bubble of space, and I can't stand being snuck up on. I don't like it when somebody comes up behind me and puts their arms around my waist--it makes me so squeemish and visibly uncomfortable. I want somebody who is okay with being physically affectionate only when I'm okay with it.
I'm just not sure how what I want could ever jive realistically, I have too many "things". My friends know to never whisper in my ear or touch my neck, because for some reason, those two actions cause me to irrationally lash out. My parents used to tickle my baby fat as a kid and no matter how much I kicked and screamed for them to stop because I hated it, they just thought it was funny. Pretty sure that scarred me for life. But try explaining to your significant other why you just wolloped him in the face because he got too close to the area.
I think the biggest issue is that I want companionship--a relationship, even though I choke on the word--on my terms. And as soon as somebody else is involved, it can never just be your terms.
And I've always been far too stubborn to compromise.
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