and i know my kingdom awaits

I wonder if I'll ever get to where I want to be.

I wonder if somebody will ever look at my CV, know that I probably don't have all the experience necessary, but hire me anyway. I wonder if somebody will one day see the drive and determination to succeed that exhausts me everyday.

I wonder if I'll ever find peace. Mentally, emotionally, physically.

I wonder if I'll ever learn to let go.

I wonder if I'll ever learn to hang on for just another little while.

I wonder if I'll ever learn how to fail, but more importantly, I wonder if I'll ever learn how to accept that I've succeeded.

I wonder if I'll ever learn to take it easy on myself.

I wonder if I'll ever learn that moving forward is good, but sometimes, standing still and looking around is even better.

The people who claimed that having goals was a good thing were the ones who have achieved every goal they've ever had. Somebody should tell them that some goals are bad. And those are the goals that you don't achieve, and they eat you alive and gnaw at your heart and induce screaming fits of rage.

Goals are not good to have. Because when you don't win - and you won't always win - then those goals destroy you.

I wonder if I'll ever find peace.