she's gonna get her way

We ran the timed mile tonight.

The mile is one of the toughest distances ever to race because it's too short to pace yourself, but too damn long to sprint the whole way through. It's 4 times around most track circuits. You can sprint one lap. All of a sudden, you're starting the second lap and you're winded. The third lap, you want to die. The fourth lap you run the life right out of you, and promptly heave when you're done.

I have no pride left, so let me just say I got owned again.

Going in, I had a goal not to come in last.

I totally came in last. I came in last by half the damn track--a good 200 feet. It was pretty degrading. We were split into two groups, the faster guys and the "slower" ones. The fast guys went first and were jogging slow laps around the track while we went at it. They kept cheering me on and saying "Keep at it Lisa!" and "You're almost there!" but it made me feel even worse because it was pity cheering.

Pity cheering is really discouraging.

I came in dead last, but man did I run my heart out on that one. I gave it everything I had and held nothing back.

I'm pretty sure the coach has no idea what to make of me. I suck, there's really no hiding that, but at the same time I am damn determined. Usually people that really suck get discouraged enough and quit, go on to something else. I'm still hanging around, getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis and maintaining a semi-positive outlook.

Oh well. I have heart, you have to give me that. It had rained for awhile and we run on a dirt track. By the time we were done, everybody was sweaty and covered head to toe in mud. Running back downtown from the track covered in dirt and grime and sludge, I felt more like a runner than I had in years.

And the good news about this running process is that the more I do it, the better I will become. Barring injury, if I run like this for a few weeks, I am not going to get worse.

The tough part is keeping it up for the next few weeks. It's a really, really tough workout. But I'll get there.I may not have the lungs or the legs or the V02 maxx or the anaerobic capacity--yet.

But I have the heart. And so help me god, that's all I need.

"I may never be the fastest runner, but I can always be the hardest worker."